


Not Right Now.

by A_For_Accidental



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angsty?, Post-Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe In Miracles?, Unrequited Destiel, dug it up for April Showers 2015, pre-season ten, yeah lets go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:56:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3661281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_For_Accidental/pseuds/A_For_Accidental
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel returns to heaven after losing everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Right Now.

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be set right after the events of "Do You Believe In Miracles?" (which is when I wrote it, literally, that night. I don't think I slept). Posted for the AO3 "April Showers 2015" event.

“Zophiel! Did you hear?”

The taller woman shakes her head sadly. “I’m sure that everyone heard. It was hard not to hear once he found out.”

Shock crosses the other’s face. “You mean...he knows?”

“He was the first.” Zophiel sighs and casts her eyes downward.

The younger blonde stares at Zophiel, eyes wide before some other emotion floods her features, making them harder. “Where is he?”

Zophiel looks up. “Last I saw him, he was heading for the library, into the left wing. No one has dared enter since.”

The blonde nods and turns, leaving Zophiel rooted to her place. “He might not want to be disturbed!” calls Zophiel behind her.

“Someone has to do it, then!” she calls back.

It is a short trip to the library, seeing as she didn’t have to walk. Standing in front of the large, oak doors, she hesitates before grabbing the handle, deciding to alert him to her presence more discreetly. The door creaks open, sound making her (technically non-existent)heart pound against her chest with each agonizing second that passes.

There is only one other light source in the darkened room; a small black candle flickering in the corner. It barely illuminates him where he sits, hunched in a chair. He is so incredibly still, it seems as if he were a statue. “Brother?” she asks softly, wincing at how loud it seems in the quiet of the room. He does not move, and she walks closer to the chair, still keeping a respectable distance. “Brother, I...” she begins, realizing now that she has no idea what to say. What does one say, she thinks, when something this terrible happens. She takes a deep breath and starts again. “I hear rumor that some are rounding up a search party. It would benefit you greatly to aid them, seeing as you were the most involved.”

He laughs, a dry one-syllable snort that makes her jump out of her skin. “Most involved,” he says, voice deep and scratched from nonuse. Or misuse, she thinks to herself. “Why skirt around the subject?” he continues, shaking his head. “I was completely. . . responsible. If they haven’t found him already, they won’t find him at all.”

The tone to his voice makes her want to cry. “Castiel,” she finally says, “I understand that you lost someone important, but we all did. I understand that you lost the one you were responsible for, that you failed a mission, but it _happens_ , brother. We--” she stops, sighing and shrugging. “We’re just _angels_ , Castiel. No matter how perfect we think we are, we are so much less than that. And we are bound to make mistakes, and you will be forgiven--”

“You _don’t_ understand, Sariel,” he says suddenly, startling her into silence. “I didn’t just fail, I--” He paused, taking a shaking breath. “I _lost_ him.” Castiel turns, and Sariel’s heart drops into her stomach when she sees his face. It was aged what seemed like a billion years, and still youthful tears streaked his cheeks in shining paths. “I wasn’t just responsible. It was. . . so much more than that.” His gaze falls away and he stares off into space. “I _lost_ him, Sariel. . . ”

Sariel rounds the chair, Castiel looking up and following her with his eyes until she is standing directly in front of him. She kneels down, more so that she could keep herself from falling over in a sudden sense of vertigo, and places a hand on Castiel's knee. "Sitting in a dark room all by yourself isn't going to solve anything, brother," she says, staring into Castiel's eyes. He stares back, then turns away. "Hope is not lost," Sariel continues. "You knew him--" Castiel flinches, and Sariel sighs. "You _know_ him better than anyone. You are more dedicated to his case than any angel I have ever seen. In all honesty, Castiel, you have fallen. In every way possible. From heaven, from grace, and all for. . . Well, for _him_."

Castiel returns his gaze to Sariel, eyes glistening in a way that makes Sariel's stomach turn. "He's still down there, somewhere," she says finally. "I can _feel_ it.” She allows a smile to spread across her face, reaching her eyes as she moves her hand to her brother’s shoulder. “To be quite frank, Castiel, I can see how much you care for him. Everyone can. And I know for a fact that we will find him.”

He nods, and is suddenly overcome with coughs. Sariel starts, smile dropping, and she stands quickly. “Castiel--”

“I’m fine,” he says. Castiel pulls himself to a stand beside Sariel, stiff and slow, but even with his careful movements Sariel can see the slight sway to his motion. “I need to go speak with Nuriel--”

Sariel places a hand against Castiel’s chest, and she nearly gasps at the weak energy pulsing from him. She hasn’t interacted directly with Castiel in almost five human years, but she can already tell the difference between him then, and him now. His grace, she realizes, was not his own. “What you need to do, Brother,” she says firmly, “is return to earth.” Castiel’s eyes widen, and he opens his mouth to object. Sariel shushes him with her finger. “Return to earth. Find a place to settle, recover, mourn, whatever you wish. You are not strong enough to be here, now, and still maintain your form on ground.” She drops her hands, stepping away from him. “Please understand, Castiel. I’m getting everyone I can to find him. And I would get every angel in every garrison to search, I really would. But you know that things are tense. And I don’t hold as much power as I once did.”

They stand there for a moment in silence, until Castiel draws in a deep breath. Holds it. Releases it slowly. Sariel now can hear how exhausted he is. “Thank you, Sister,” he says finally. Sariel nods, back straightening as she holds out a hand. Castiel takes it and they shake, once, in an incredibly human gesture, but Sariel finds that she doesn’t mind. They release-- his hands were shaking --and Castiel turns to the door and leaves, without another word.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ayyy its the first SPN one I've posted. Hope you liked!


End file.
